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No Progress, None Whatsoever

To once again quote one of my students (spelling mistakes are his, not mine):

"In my opinion I don't see any progress on Ancient Civilization. I don't see any progress because the same thing happen over and over. Someone builds an empire then some else build another empire then they are going into battle. The result of this is gaining another empire for a couple of years until someone else comes and take over."

Mind you we spoke of everything from ancient Mesopotamia to Hellenic Greece. Nope. No progress. None whatsoever. We'll just ignore the development of the wheel, writing, philosophy, art, religion....

Well, at least I got a good laugh.

Midsummer Crunch

I'm entering the last week of Summer Session I at the college I'm teaching at. This means crunch time. I'm staring at a huge stack o' horrible papers, another stack o' notes to be converted into PowerPoint lessons, and the big black and white mush sitting in the middle of all of it.

Now how am I supposed to get any work done. That belly is going "pet me mommy pet me." Argh.

Anyhoo...this week is going to be insane. While I'm finishing up the work from this summer session, I have to start prepping next session which starts next Monday. No rest for the weary, eh? I just keep reminding myself: I get three weeks off in August.

Oh, and I didn't mean to imply that all librarians are those stereotypical mean nasty ones, though one of the colleges I teach at has a whole slew of them. I know there are some really great ones out there. I'm hoping to break that stereotype. One thing my boss did tell me was that the patrons enjoy coming to the library because I'm so nice and talkative. No "sush-ing" from me. :) I'm just afraid that I'll get stuck with a bunch of the mean ones after I get my degree.

Ugh....

...as Ayla put it. I must be doing something wrong too. LOL

I Hate Life Sometimes

June has been an unusually crappy month for me. You would think that with my birthday and anniversary things would be good. Ugh. Just the opposite.

As you probably already know from Ayla's blog, she was diagnosed with Squamous Cell Carcinoma. Say that ten times fast. It's a malignant form of skin cancer that's in her oral/sinus cavity. I know she's 16 years old but she's like my kid to me. OK well maybe not kid but more like best friend. This is the only one who has been through almost every single stage of my life: college, grad school, the music industry, depression, to me getting back on my feet. She has been the constant. The vet didn't give me a timetable but from what I've read, when she starts going downhill it will be quick.

On top of that, I did not get the Lecturer position I interviewed for. I had gotten my hopes up on that one too since it would be great to have one job to go to instead of three. Plus I would be teaching which is one of my favorite things to do. Bah. Then I got my "tentative" schedule for one of the colleges I teach at for the fall. I got the only three classes that weren't taken so my schedule royally sucks.

So I figure I'll work more hours at the library and just teach less classes, right? Now my boss at the library is telling me she has people to work the hours I normally work during the school year. Does this mean I'm not going to get the hours I need? I'm a good worker and I got a good review, but sometimes I get the impression that she doesn't want me there.

And people wonder why I've been feeling depressed for the past few days.

I joke around that "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up," but I'm 37 years old. I should have some sort of plan. I want a career. I don't want to be an adjunct professor all my life, wondering if I'm going to get any classes or living with horrible schedules. I don't want to go for my PhD because my heart wouldn't fully be into it and I don't want to waste six years of my life devoted almost completely to it. I'm thinking of getting my MLIS and become a "real" librarian but at the same time, a lot of the librarians I've met are grumpy old ladies that want to make people feel miserable (my current boss is the exception). Do I really want to work in that kind of environment?

Don't get me wrong. I don't want things handed to me. I just want some clear indication of what path to follow. I'm tired of being in limbo on certain things. And yes, I do think way too much on this subject, but that's just my nature. I just think way too much.