The Miracles of Modern Pharmacology

As most of you know, I've been having a terrible time with my depression over the past few months. Of course, with all the stress that I've been under, it wouldn't be surprising. My doctor did put me on a new medication (Abilify) to go along with my other med (Lexapro) to see if it would help with my depression.

OMFG. This stuff is Good Shit! I've got my old energy levels back. I didn't realize how bad my depression was until I got back to close to the way I used to be. The only sucky part is that I'm feeling a little restless on it but I was warned of that side-effect. Honestly, if that's the only one, I can live with it. My concentration levels are better, I'm getting more done. Hell, my grading is almost caught up for the entire semester! When the heck does that ever happen?!!!

It's nice to have the energy back. This weekend, with the lovely 80+ degrees expected, will be spent in my little patch of dirt in the back yard where I plan on growing some rose bushes. Last summer all I had the energy for was staring at the weeds and going "I really need to do something about those." This summer I'm like "I've got the tools and those weeds are dead! Bring me my roses!"

Now you know why I'm calling this stuff my kitty crack. :)

Frustrating

My life is very frustrating right now. Too much shit and not enough time. This is on top of the overall craziness of the end of the semester.

I had an endoscopy a couple of weeks ago to find out why I was having problems swallowing. After a few biopsies I found out (or at least the doctor suspects) that I have esophageal encephalitis. Say that one three times fast. It's an inflammation of the lining of my esophagus, which can cause pain while swallowing. The problem is that the research is still out on this problem. My doctor isn't sure how to treat it. One thing that does aggravate it is a food allergy. So next week I'm going to see an allergist. Fun. The other thing I can do is a topic steroid but the doc is holding off on that to see if I'm still having problems. *rolls eyes*

Then today I found out I have a courtesy interview for the tenure-line that is opening up. It's basically the "you're not qualified but the chair of the committee likes you so we're playing nice and giving you an interview" type of thing. Part of me wants to say "why bother?" but I did really want the interview. You never know. I might wow them but I doubt it. There are five people on the committee. The chair forced me on them which means four of them didn't think I was qualified for the job. My chances are about as likely as the Leafs winning the Stanley Cup any time soon (a snowball has a greater chance in hell).

On top of all this, I'm still job hunting and now applying to grad school. My brain feels like it's going to explode.

Are they really "Smart" cars?

While driving on I-287 yesterday morning I saw the most bizarre thing in my rearview mirror. A Smart car zooming up behind me. Now, I would say I was going around 70ish but this thing must have been doing at least 75.

First off, I never realized those things could go that fast. Secondly, I began asking myself should they go that fast, especially in New Jersey (land of large cars and SUVs)? This was after watching a report on the local news that showed in a head on collision with a mid-size car those things are death traps. Here's the video:



While the car may be "smart" one thing was for sure: the driver doing 75 wasn't.

It is worth it

Sometimes I wonder about whether or not all the work that I do for my classes is worth it, especially after the incident that led to the last post.

I just had a student come in to see me. She had me three years ago in a current events class. While I couldn't remember her name, I remembered the face (names are not my thing). We started talking and she told me that she watches the news more now and has a better understanding of world events. She also told me that my class was one of her favorites here at this college. "Go Professor Cat!"

Is it all worth it? Hell ya.

What to do?

As the last month of the semester is just around the corner, I'm looking at the evil quagmire of grading on my desk. This is the usual stuff. I give a lot of writing assignments to help my students learn not just history but how to write as it is something that (for some reason) they don't know how to do.

Then I look at my grade book. This semester I lost 30 students in total by the drop deadline. That was about 15% of what I had at the beginning of the semester. I think "what did I do wrong?"

After last semester, I got tougher. I was sick and tired of people handing in work late so I put in a firm "no late papers" policy. I figured that would make things easier on my part but instead I get students not handing in assignments at all. It's not like they even tried or argued "it's only 15 minutes late." None of that. Heck, not even partial assignments. Technically it does make less work for me but I'm really worried about the level of apathy from my students.

I'm also giving them more tests but they are smaller with less material. I figured this way they could do better on the tests. Does this happen? No. I even give them their essays to do as take homes but does that help. No. On one test, the exact same one I give year after year with an almost perfect 85 student average, three classes pulled a 67 average. WTF? Did I change my teaching style? No. Did I change my notes? Not really. Hell, even the review sheet was almost identical to previous years.

The sad part? At the end of the semester, all my students are going to come up to me and ask me "why did I get this grade?" I always tell them "you earned it." However, that doesn't stick in their heads. I tell them on the first day that if they show up to every class and do all the work they are guaranteeing themselves a C. They nod and say "yes professor." However, when they get a D it's all bitching and moaning and "why didn't I get a B?" Um, because you missed six classes and missed four assignments? Oh and no more mercy D's. I used to lower my passing grade unofficially to a 60 at the end of the semester to help some of these kids graduate. However, after a line of "well why didn't you give me a C" made me stop doing that.

Someone told me that 80% of college students feel that if they show up to class each time they automatically get a B. LOL. WTF are schools teaching their kids if they think they can get a B with just sitting in the chair, most likely not even paying attention? I even had one student who had the gall to send me an e-mail with this:

I completely disagree with that grade. I plan on getting an A+ and that F is not going to help at all. I strongly believe I deserve a better grade. Please reconsider because I am apalled, disgusted, and ashamed.

My answer: "did you read my comments?" Of course he didn't 'cause if he had, he would've seen why he got a 50 on that assignment. Yes, a 50. He earned that one too. What nerve! OK, I'll admit I'm a tough grader but it's because I push my students. I want them to learn. Is that such an unrealistic thing?

So the question is, do I keep on doing what I did this semester or go back to the "easy" way out like I did last semester?

Rough Week

The reason why I haven't posted lately is that things have been a bit rough around here.

I still don't know what my status is for the fall still. While I "unofficially" got five classes, the official schedule has it with only three. Out of 300 lecturers, I know that 25 of them got fired. My department head is a great guy and said he's fighting for me but I don't know if that will do any good. I hope it does.

Last Friday I had an endoscopy to investigate the stomach pains I've been having. I've had a problem swallowing for a while now but the stomach pains are new. Nothing obvious was found but the doctor took a few biopsies just in case. He thinks it's all stress that is aggravating acid reflux.

It seems that stress is the cause for everything that is wrong with me. My depression acting up? Stress. My stomach hurts? Stress. Next thing they'll tell me is the reason why my bad foot is hurting more is stress. LOL

I'm trying to be optimistic with everything but it has been hard. I just can't wait until this semester is over and summer starts. I need a bit of a break.