This Little Hell We Call WLS Part 2
OK, I think I've kept you in suspense long enough that it's time to continue on with my story...
One of the chief complaints from many people who had WLS is the depression for the loss of food. I was lucky in that regard as I never was addicted to food nor did I turn to food as an emotional crutch. When I was told of my dietary restrictions with the surgery, I accepted them. I knew eventually that I would be able to tolerate pretty much anything. It would just be in a smaller proportion. Heck, that's the reason why I chose this surgery over the other ones. I didn't really have to give up a damn thing. OK, I need to be focused on the whole PROTEIN FIRST thing but if I really, truly want a small piece of something then I wouldn't have to suffer serious physical consequences for it. From all my years in Weight Watchers I learned that "everything in moderation" is a good mantra.
To be quite honest, I was comfortable with things in the beginning of May. I was able to eat solid foods and could tolerate almost anything I tried outside of the restricted list. At week nine, I found out that I could tolerate sushi and I knew everything in the world would be OK. Ironically, I was eating a lot more than I thought I should be physically able to. At one point I was wondering if my surgeon had left my stomach too big and I started thinking rather pissy thoughts about him--a common theme it seems.
Then something happened. I'm not sure what, but it was around the time I went down to visit my parents in Florida at the end of May. It started out small, just a little discomfort in my stomach after I ate. Nothing that got me frightened. More like a "hey maybe I ate too much" or "that food didn't agree with me." I didn't think too much of it and kept on with the whole PROTEIN FIRST that had been jammed into my head by the nutritionist.
By the time I got back from my trip, it became harder and harder to eat. I was getting rather nauseous--not "I have to throw up now" nauseous but enough to make it uncomfortable--and I developed some rather nasty diarrhea. The latter was rather ironic as people who have my surgery tend to complain about severe constipation. On top of all of that, if I didn't eat, I would still get nauseous. There would be this gods-awful gnawing feeling in the pit of my belly even only an hour after I last ate. It was like I couldn't win. Either I didn't eat and felt miserable or I did eat and felt miserable.
This all caused me some concern so I made an appointment to see my surgeon to see if this was all "normal." When I told him my symptoms he literally seemed confused, like he never had a patient who exhibited them before. He then asked me some very basic questions like "are you eating slowly?", "are you chewing well?", "are you eating small portions?" Now I wasn't sure how to take this. Part of me understood that he had to ask these questions because a lot of people don't follow the rules and that leads to stomach issues. However, part of me also took it as a bit insulting. I made it very clear at the beginning of the appointment that I had been following all of the rules--I actually paid attention at all those nutritional seminars. Shocker! Also, his tone was rather a "holier than thou" sort of thing. You know, the "I went to medical school and I'm a prestigious surgeon so I'm better than you" attitude tied in with a very condescending tone of voice like I'm a five year old? That just grinds on me to no end. All those advanced degrees on my wall mean nothing? Come on. The guy knows I'm a college professor. Don't pull that attitude crap on me. Oh heck, nobody should be treated in a condescending manner no matter what their background is. It just pissed me off. I swear that doctors should be required to take a Bedside Manners 101 class in medical school.
After that worthless circle of questioning I asked him "what does all of this mean?" I know my body pretty well. Heck, I've had it for over forty plus years. When I say there is something wrong there's a good chance I'm right. However, he "poo-poo'd" it away and told me to "wait and see." He did give me a prescription for Zofran for the nausea and told me to see him in six weeks but that was it. No explanation of anything. No "I'm not sure we should be worrying just yet." Nothing. I was quite frustrated.
Over the next month, I just got worse and worse. I threw up more times during that time than I have in the past five years. The diarrhea? Well, not to get to gross but it was explosive and I was going four or five times a day, which made no sense as I was barely keeping any food down. I was getting incredibly weak and tired. I was told to exercise at least three times a week. Ha. I could barely make it up a flight of stairs without feeling like I was going to collapse. I think during this period I was keeping down about 500 calories a day. To make matters even worse I found that I only lost a pound the entire freaking month. If I'm going to suffer can I at least lose the weight?
Finally, I got to the point where I called my primary care physician. I figured if the surgeon wasn't interested in finding out what was wrong with me maybe my doc would. I saw my PCP on July 5th and to be honest, My doc, though, didn't think it was a virus, which is one thing I was worried about, but was concerned enough to admit that he even believed something was wrong. This doc is one of my favorites. He knows I like to know. Heck, back in the day when I had a pulmonary embolism he told me whole story of Coumadin including how its chemical base had originally been used as rat poison. Most people would be disturbed by that but I like docs who are honest with me and tell me the truth when I ask for it instead of pussy-footing around the issue. In this case he mentioned that it could just be gastritis but could be something severe as an obstruction or a stricture. The constant nausea was the big worry with him. I knew he wouldn't be able to do much. However, I also knew that if he believed something was wrong he would point me in the right direction to help me find someone who can help me. In this case it meant him recommending to me a good gastroenterologist. Because of both of our limited schedules and his vacation, I won't be able to see the gastro doc until the 26th. *sigh*
I just need to know what the heck is wrong with me. If I had this issue since the surgery, I would probably just accept it as a consequence of it. However, I was eating rather normally at one point without any problems so something must be wrong. I can't see my stomach just deciding to outright rebel against me for no reason whatsoever. To be honest, I'll be really pissed if I have to live like this for the rest of my life. I knew this new lifestyle would not be easy but no one told me it could be this bad.
Do I regret the surgery? So far, yes. I did a lot of research and asked a lot of questions before jumping into the surgery. Only once did anybody mention risks or complications from it and that was a brief mention during the initial seminar. Heck I had to ask them some tough questions like mortality rates (less than 1%) and serious complications (the big complication was a leak at the incision line but that was rare as well). They all put their cheery face on and said "everything is going to be OK." They all acted that I would be just like pre-surgery me except happier, healthier, and thinner. Stupid me drank the Kool-Aid.
One issue that is killing me is expectations. I was told that I would lose 2/3 of my excess weight in the first year, which would mean over 115 pounds for me. For the first year?!!! That was amazing, I thought. You know how much weight I've lost so far? Only 35 pounds in four months, most of that was in the first two months. That may seem like a lot but most other people who had the surgery the same week as me are up to 60-80 pounds lost. This is the "drop time," when people lose the most amount of weight in the shortest period of time. To make matters worse, I lost a whopping one pound last month. My cohorts are losing 15-20 pounds a month. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but I'm not even close.
I also know that I shouldn't regret anything that I cannot change. Most of my stomach is gone and I recognize that I have to live the consequences of that. I just didn't think I would be this miserable. Probably in a couple of years I'll look back on this and laugh but for right now it just really, truly sucks.
One of the chief complaints from many people who had WLS is the depression for the loss of food. I was lucky in that regard as I never was addicted to food nor did I turn to food as an emotional crutch. When I was told of my dietary restrictions with the surgery, I accepted them. I knew eventually that I would be able to tolerate pretty much anything. It would just be in a smaller proportion. Heck, that's the reason why I chose this surgery over the other ones. I didn't really have to give up a damn thing. OK, I need to be focused on the whole PROTEIN FIRST thing but if I really, truly want a small piece of something then I wouldn't have to suffer serious physical consequences for it. From all my years in Weight Watchers I learned that "everything in moderation" is a good mantra.
To be quite honest, I was comfortable with things in the beginning of May. I was able to eat solid foods and could tolerate almost anything I tried outside of the restricted list. At week nine, I found out that I could tolerate sushi and I knew everything in the world would be OK. Ironically, I was eating a lot more than I thought I should be physically able to. At one point I was wondering if my surgeon had left my stomach too big and I started thinking rather pissy thoughts about him--a common theme it seems.
Then something happened. I'm not sure what, but it was around the time I went down to visit my parents in Florida at the end of May. It started out small, just a little discomfort in my stomach after I ate. Nothing that got me frightened. More like a "hey maybe I ate too much" or "that food didn't agree with me." I didn't think too much of it and kept on with the whole PROTEIN FIRST that had been jammed into my head by the nutritionist.
By the time I got back from my trip, it became harder and harder to eat. I was getting rather nauseous--not "I have to throw up now" nauseous but enough to make it uncomfortable--and I developed some rather nasty diarrhea. The latter was rather ironic as people who have my surgery tend to complain about severe constipation. On top of all of that, if I didn't eat, I would still get nauseous. There would be this gods-awful gnawing feeling in the pit of my belly even only an hour after I last ate. It was like I couldn't win. Either I didn't eat and felt miserable or I did eat and felt miserable.
This all caused me some concern so I made an appointment to see my surgeon to see if this was all "normal." When I told him my symptoms he literally seemed confused, like he never had a patient who exhibited them before. He then asked me some very basic questions like "are you eating slowly?", "are you chewing well?", "are you eating small portions?" Now I wasn't sure how to take this. Part of me understood that he had to ask these questions because a lot of people don't follow the rules and that leads to stomach issues. However, part of me also took it as a bit insulting. I made it very clear at the beginning of the appointment that I had been following all of the rules--I actually paid attention at all those nutritional seminars. Shocker! Also, his tone was rather a "holier than thou" sort of thing. You know, the "I went to medical school and I'm a prestigious surgeon so I'm better than you" attitude tied in with a very condescending tone of voice like I'm a five year old? That just grinds on me to no end. All those advanced degrees on my wall mean nothing? Come on. The guy knows I'm a college professor. Don't pull that attitude crap on me. Oh heck, nobody should be treated in a condescending manner no matter what their background is. It just pissed me off. I swear that doctors should be required to take a Bedside Manners 101 class in medical school.
After that worthless circle of questioning I asked him "what does all of this mean?" I know my body pretty well. Heck, I've had it for over forty plus years. When I say there is something wrong there's a good chance I'm right. However, he "poo-poo'd" it away and told me to "wait and see." He did give me a prescription for Zofran for the nausea and told me to see him in six weeks but that was it. No explanation of anything. No "I'm not sure we should be worrying just yet." Nothing. I was quite frustrated.
Over the next month, I just got worse and worse. I threw up more times during that time than I have in the past five years. The diarrhea? Well, not to get to gross but it was explosive and I was going four or five times a day, which made no sense as I was barely keeping any food down. I was getting incredibly weak and tired. I was told to exercise at least three times a week. Ha. I could barely make it up a flight of stairs without feeling like I was going to collapse. I think during this period I was keeping down about 500 calories a day. To make matters even worse I found that I only lost a pound the entire freaking month. If I'm going to suffer can I at least lose the weight?
Finally, I got to the point where I called my primary care physician. I figured if the surgeon wasn't interested in finding out what was wrong with me maybe my doc would. I saw my PCP on July 5th and to be honest, My doc, though, didn't think it was a virus, which is one thing I was worried about, but was concerned enough to admit that he even believed something was wrong. This doc is one of my favorites. He knows I like to know. Heck, back in the day when I had a pulmonary embolism he told me whole story of Coumadin including how its chemical base had originally been used as rat poison. Most people would be disturbed by that but I like docs who are honest with me and tell me the truth when I ask for it instead of pussy-footing around the issue. In this case he mentioned that it could just be gastritis but could be something severe as an obstruction or a stricture. The constant nausea was the big worry with him. I knew he wouldn't be able to do much. However, I also knew that if he believed something was wrong he would point me in the right direction to help me find someone who can help me. In this case it meant him recommending to me a good gastroenterologist. Because of both of our limited schedules and his vacation, I won't be able to see the gastro doc until the 26th. *sigh*
I just need to know what the heck is wrong with me. If I had this issue since the surgery, I would probably just accept it as a consequence of it. However, I was eating rather normally at one point without any problems so something must be wrong. I can't see my stomach just deciding to outright rebel against me for no reason whatsoever. To be honest, I'll be really pissed if I have to live like this for the rest of my life. I knew this new lifestyle would not be easy but no one told me it could be this bad.
Do I regret the surgery? So far, yes. I did a lot of research and asked a lot of questions before jumping into the surgery. Only once did anybody mention risks or complications from it and that was a brief mention during the initial seminar. Heck I had to ask them some tough questions like mortality rates (less than 1%) and serious complications (the big complication was a leak at the incision line but that was rare as well). They all put their cheery face on and said "everything is going to be OK." They all acted that I would be just like pre-surgery me except happier, healthier, and thinner. Stupid me drank the Kool-Aid.
One issue that is killing me is expectations. I was told that I would lose 2/3 of my excess weight in the first year, which would mean over 115 pounds for me. For the first year?!!! That was amazing, I thought. You know how much weight I've lost so far? Only 35 pounds in four months, most of that was in the first two months. That may seem like a lot but most other people who had the surgery the same week as me are up to 60-80 pounds lost. This is the "drop time," when people lose the most amount of weight in the shortest period of time. To make matters worse, I lost a whopping one pound last month. My cohorts are losing 15-20 pounds a month. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but I'm not even close.
I also know that I shouldn't regret anything that I cannot change. Most of my stomach is gone and I recognize that I have to live the consequences of that. I just didn't think I would be this miserable. Probably in a couple of years I'll look back on this and laugh but for right now it just really, truly sucks.
Comments
Several years ago I lost almost 70lbs via diet/exercise and doing so screwed up my entire system. My adrenals shut down, my hormone levels dropped dramatically and no matter what I do I simply put on weight. I am now back up to my preweight loss weight and I can't explain how disheartening it is. I did everything 'right' and it screwed me right up. I'm now doing a lot of reading about WAPF and GAPS (both might help you, I say might because I have no idea) Both talk about using food to heal the gut. It is really amazing what a difference real food can make and it is sad that we have slowly let the manufactures corrupt our food system to a point where an item made up of chemicals and manufactured ingredients that no one could ever recognize are considered food - and some are considered healthy.
I'll definitely look into both of those. I know I'm trying my best to avoid processed foods and anything labeled sugar- or fat-free. It's so hard in this day and age though.