A Eulogy For My Father
My father passed away on May 13th due to congestive heart failure. It was expected but it was still a surprise. I was going to visit them anyways--I knew my dad's time was limited due to his condition--but I missed him by two days. I was going to fly down on the 15th.
I am torn in so many different directions.
I feel so much guilt as I missed seeing him by two days. I was supposed to see them in March but my depression got so severe that I had to go into Intensive Outpatient Program for treatment. Thus, that trip was postponed until May. Now I really regret postponing trip, especially since I hadn't seen him since last July. My dad was my best friend and I did not even get a chance to say goodbye to him.
On the other hand, I wonder if this was something that my father planned. Let me explain: after working for over a year in hospice as a social work intern, I learned that people can have somewhat of a say when they depart. So many times, I saw very ill people holding on to make it through a holiday, a birthday, or some sort of special event. With my dad, I have to wonder if he was trying to hold on until I could get down. While he did not make it, it was close enough that he knew I would be there to help my mom out. Also, from the way it was described to me, my dad had wasted away and was very thin and sickly looking. Could it be he didn't want me to see him like that? I would not put it past him. He never even told us he had the CHF diagnosis. I found out from talking to the nurses when he went to the hospital the last time. He was the type of man that did not want anybody to worry about him.
I did have the honor of saying a eulogy for my father at his memorial service down in Florida. I will also be reading it again at his burial in Lee next month. I just hope I did my father justice.
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Since last night, I have been staring at my computer screen wondering what I was going to say today for my father’s eulogy. This task has been the hardest thing I have ever done. How do you sum up someone's life in 5 minutes, especially when he was such a good person who lived a long productive life? As a professor I have never been at a loss for words, but now I find myself struggling.
As many of you already know, my father was a good man. While he used very few words, people listened when he spoke. He was loyal to his friends and would go out of his way if they ever needed help. He always gave his opinion when asked but yet also played Devil’s Advocate when necessary, and he listened. From the phone calls and cards that we have been receiving since his passing last Friday, it was clear that he was loved by many.
As many of you already know, my father was also a good husband. It was clear he loved my mom dearly and would do anything for her. I remember a long time ago when I was a child, I caught my mom and dad kissing by the car outside. It was a long and passionate kiss and while my 6-year-old mind was going “ewww that’s gross,” looking back on it, it showed the love that they had for one another, something that has endured well into their twilight years. They would have celebrated their 61st wedding anniversary in less than a month.
As some of you may know, my father was also a good businessman. Working in the credit field, my dad was one of the best. He worked for many companies. With one of them, he not only preventing the company from failing, he helped it turn a major profit in the years he was there. He also started up his own business that was successful as well. As my brother told me yesterday, this man of few words was always successful at the negotiating table. When I went to work at [one of the company's my dad worked at] after his retirement, so many people inquired about him, asking how he was doing and to send their regards. It was clear that he was not only respected by his colleagues but also liked by them as well, which is not something you see very often in the music industry.
But what you may not know is that my dad was also the best father. I know you expected me to say this as I am his daughter, but it is true. Being my father when I was a child was not the easiest thing to do. I was a nightmare, getting into trouble constantly, and drawing both of my parents’ ire on a regular basis. Yet, while I tried my father’s patience on numerous occasions, my dad still loved me.
My earliest memory is of my father trying to put a clean diaper on me. I don’t know where my mother was at the time but it was clear he did not have much experience in this task. He tried his best even though he was rather clumsy at it—he did stick me with the safety pin pretty badly—but now that memory brings a smile to my face. My dad was clearly not what we would today call a “modern” father, but he still tried his best and felt terrible for hurting me.
My favorite memories, though, are of the two of us going to the NY Giants games. We had season tickets—awesome seats right on the 48-yard line about 20 rows up from the visiting team bench—but I could only go to the games in the second half of the season as my mom hated the cold weather. My dad and I would sit through the games freezing our butts off but we had so much fun, cheering on the Giants and celebrating the touchdowns. It was the best times. My dad even called me the Giants’ lucky charm as I never saw them lose when I went to their games. My favorite game with him would always be the NFC Championship game during the 1986 season. It was so cold due to high winds and freezing temperatures and the wind child was around 20 below. Still, the two of us were just so happy to be there to see the Giants move on to their first ever Super Bowl. I always wondered if my dad regretting not getting tickets to the Super Bowl that year but I remember we had one hell of a party at home.
What you also many not know was that my dad was also my best friend. While growing up, he took his role of “breadwinner” very seriously. While we did enjoy ourselves at the football games, he remained very reserved with me. He was “dad” and I was his “daughter.” It was almost a formal sort of relationship, but then things changed in 1988. I had just started college a few months’ prior when he and mom came up to visit me. We had the obligatory lunch together and dad gave me some money “just in case.” When mom went out to the car, my dad sat down on my bed and he asked me how I was doing. This was not the typical sort of “how are you doing” that my dad usually asked. It was different. It is hard to explain but it was like my dad stopped seeing me as just his daughter—someone he was supposed to love—but rather as a person, someone he could like. I don’t remember exactly what was said that day but it was so memorable for me because I knew that my relationship with my father changed at that point. We were still father and daughter, but now we were friends as well.
Over the years, our friendship grew stronger. I knew I could always turn to my dad for advice on practically anything. While he did not always approve of the things I did, he tried to understand my side and gave me support wherever I needed it. When I got sick with depression, he did his best to understand it—something that is difficult for his generation that never talked about such things—and stood by me through the worst of times, listening to me when I needed a friendly ear, and offering his shoulder to cry on.
I also remember the day I almost lost my dad back in 1993. He suffered a major heart attack while on the train commuting into New York City. At the time I was living in upstate New York and when I heard the news I rushed to be by his side. The doctor at that time told me that the type of heart attack he had was normally fatal outside a hospital. I thought I was going to lose my daddy that day but it was not his time yet.
I was so happy he survived because it gave me another 23 years to be with my dad.
There was one thing I missed though. I never got to say thank you. Dad, you were not only the best dad I could ever hope to have had but also my best friend. Thank you for being there for me in so many ways. I will always love you daddy and I will miss you. We will see each other again someday. Just please keep an eye on mom for all of us in the meantime.
I am torn in so many different directions.
I feel so much guilt as I missed seeing him by two days. I was supposed to see them in March but my depression got so severe that I had to go into Intensive Outpatient Program for treatment. Thus, that trip was postponed until May. Now I really regret postponing trip, especially since I hadn't seen him since last July. My dad was my best friend and I did not even get a chance to say goodbye to him.
On the other hand, I wonder if this was something that my father planned. Let me explain: after working for over a year in hospice as a social work intern, I learned that people can have somewhat of a say when they depart. So many times, I saw very ill people holding on to make it through a holiday, a birthday, or some sort of special event. With my dad, I have to wonder if he was trying to hold on until I could get down. While he did not make it, it was close enough that he knew I would be there to help my mom out. Also, from the way it was described to me, my dad had wasted away and was very thin and sickly looking. Could it be he didn't want me to see him like that? I would not put it past him. He never even told us he had the CHF diagnosis. I found out from talking to the nurses when he went to the hospital the last time. He was the type of man that did not want anybody to worry about him.
I did have the honor of saying a eulogy for my father at his memorial service down in Florida. I will also be reading it again at his burial in Lee next month. I just hope I did my father justice.
________________________________________________________________________________
EULOGY FOR MY FATHER
Since last night, I have been staring at my computer screen wondering what I was going to say today for my father’s eulogy. This task has been the hardest thing I have ever done. How do you sum up someone's life in 5 minutes, especially when he was such a good person who lived a long productive life? As a professor I have never been at a loss for words, but now I find myself struggling.
As many of you already know, my father was a good man. While he used very few words, people listened when he spoke. He was loyal to his friends and would go out of his way if they ever needed help. He always gave his opinion when asked but yet also played Devil’s Advocate when necessary, and he listened. From the phone calls and cards that we have been receiving since his passing last Friday, it was clear that he was loved by many.
As many of you already know, my father was also a good husband. It was clear he loved my mom dearly and would do anything for her. I remember a long time ago when I was a child, I caught my mom and dad kissing by the car outside. It was a long and passionate kiss and while my 6-year-old mind was going “ewww that’s gross,” looking back on it, it showed the love that they had for one another, something that has endured well into their twilight years. They would have celebrated their 61st wedding anniversary in less than a month.
As some of you may know, my father was also a good businessman. Working in the credit field, my dad was one of the best. He worked for many companies. With one of them, he not only preventing the company from failing, he helped it turn a major profit in the years he was there. He also started up his own business that was successful as well. As my brother told me yesterday, this man of few words was always successful at the negotiating table. When I went to work at [one of the company's my dad worked at] after his retirement, so many people inquired about him, asking how he was doing and to send their regards. It was clear that he was not only respected by his colleagues but also liked by them as well, which is not something you see very often in the music industry.
But what you may not know is that my dad was also the best father. I know you expected me to say this as I am his daughter, but it is true. Being my father when I was a child was not the easiest thing to do. I was a nightmare, getting into trouble constantly, and drawing both of my parents’ ire on a regular basis. Yet, while I tried my father’s patience on numerous occasions, my dad still loved me.
My earliest memory is of my father trying to put a clean diaper on me. I don’t know where my mother was at the time but it was clear he did not have much experience in this task. He tried his best even though he was rather clumsy at it—he did stick me with the safety pin pretty badly—but now that memory brings a smile to my face. My dad was clearly not what we would today call a “modern” father, but he still tried his best and felt terrible for hurting me.
My favorite memories, though, are of the two of us going to the NY Giants games. We had season tickets—awesome seats right on the 48-yard line about 20 rows up from the visiting team bench—but I could only go to the games in the second half of the season as my mom hated the cold weather. My dad and I would sit through the games freezing our butts off but we had so much fun, cheering on the Giants and celebrating the touchdowns. It was the best times. My dad even called me the Giants’ lucky charm as I never saw them lose when I went to their games. My favorite game with him would always be the NFC Championship game during the 1986 season. It was so cold due to high winds and freezing temperatures and the wind child was around 20 below. Still, the two of us were just so happy to be there to see the Giants move on to their first ever Super Bowl. I always wondered if my dad regretting not getting tickets to the Super Bowl that year but I remember we had one hell of a party at home.
What you also many not know was that my dad was also my best friend. While growing up, he took his role of “breadwinner” very seriously. While we did enjoy ourselves at the football games, he remained very reserved with me. He was “dad” and I was his “daughter.” It was almost a formal sort of relationship, but then things changed in 1988. I had just started college a few months’ prior when he and mom came up to visit me. We had the obligatory lunch together and dad gave me some money “just in case.” When mom went out to the car, my dad sat down on my bed and he asked me how I was doing. This was not the typical sort of “how are you doing” that my dad usually asked. It was different. It is hard to explain but it was like my dad stopped seeing me as just his daughter—someone he was supposed to love—but rather as a person, someone he could like. I don’t remember exactly what was said that day but it was so memorable for me because I knew that my relationship with my father changed at that point. We were still father and daughter, but now we were friends as well.
Over the years, our friendship grew stronger. I knew I could always turn to my dad for advice on practically anything. While he did not always approve of the things I did, he tried to understand my side and gave me support wherever I needed it. When I got sick with depression, he did his best to understand it—something that is difficult for his generation that never talked about such things—and stood by me through the worst of times, listening to me when I needed a friendly ear, and offering his shoulder to cry on.
I also remember the day I almost lost my dad back in 1993. He suffered a major heart attack while on the train commuting into New York City. At the time I was living in upstate New York and when I heard the news I rushed to be by his side. The doctor at that time told me that the type of heart attack he had was normally fatal outside a hospital. I thought I was going to lose my daddy that day but it was not his time yet.
I was so happy he survived because it gave me another 23 years to be with my dad.
- I got to play golf with him here in Florida—his favorite sport in retirement—although I was horrible at it. Oh the patience my dad exhibited that day would have impressed anybody!
- He walked me down the aisle on my wedding day almost 15 years ago and danced with me to Bette Midler’s rendition of “Wind Beneath My Wings.”
- While I had hoped he would be around to see my own children, he still got to see his lovely grand-daughter, my niece, who he was so proud of.
- He was able to see the Boston Red Sox win not only one World Series but three. If that alone isn’t worth hanging around for, I don’t know what is.
There was one thing I missed though. I never got to say thank you. Dad, you were not only the best dad I could ever hope to have had but also my best friend. Thank you for being there for me in so many ways. I will always love you daddy and I will miss you. We will see each other again someday. Just please keep an eye on mom for all of us in the meantime.
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