Rendering Woes and Nervous Breakdowns
Man...remind me to never use particle effects in a 3D animation again. In my Computer 3D Animation II class, we got our first project: make a flying logo for the Bergen Outlook (an on-campus media group thingie). So I made a nice logo that included the standard BCC logo but instead of drawing out the flame, I decided to use the fire particle effects to give it a nice "real looking" flame.
Well, last night I finished all the modeling and got the animation ready to go. All I had to do was render. By the time I left class, it was rendering at a rate of 1.5 frames a minute. This is a 10-second long animation which means 300 frames! I left the computer running around 6pm and figured that by the time I came to school this morning it would be done. Ha! The damn computer froze at 50 frames.
So now, I'm rerendering the whole thing but this time using five computers to render. I've been here over two hours and it's only up to frame 75. It's going really slowly. I'm only going to stay here for another two hours. I'm so fried from the past two days worth of classes.
Oh yes...I guess I should get caught up. I had a "major depressive episode" (aka nervous breakdown) at the beginning of August. Since then, I've been suffering a series of minor to moderate depressive episodes and lots of panic and anxiety attacks. Fun. It seems I'm just following the typical cycle of depression. According to my therapist, a person with chronic depression (me) goes through cycles where they have major depressive episodes every x-length of time. With me, it seems to be ever four years. I had one in 1997, when I first got sick, then in 2001, and now in 2005.
This time around doesn't seem to be as bad as the first two, but it's still not fun. I've been fighting this deep spiral my mind wants to go into. It's like my emotions just want me to curl into the fetal position in bed and just stay there with the covers over my head. Even leaving the apartment has been a chore. I literally have to fight back fear and panic to go to school two days a week.
The one thing my therapist did insist was that I still go to school this semester. I thought about taking the semester off but she said that was the worst thing for me. I did cut down my schedule to take only two classes (Life Drawing and Computer 3D Animation II) with professors who knew me. That takes some of the strain off of me since they know how hard I normally work so I don't have to "prove" myself to them. If I have an off day, I know that won't affect my grades. I'm also taking subjects I enjoy so that helps as well.
Well, last night I finished all the modeling and got the animation ready to go. All I had to do was render. By the time I left class, it was rendering at a rate of 1.5 frames a minute. This is a 10-second long animation which means 300 frames! I left the computer running around 6pm and figured that by the time I came to school this morning it would be done. Ha! The damn computer froze at 50 frames.
So now, I'm rerendering the whole thing but this time using five computers to render. I've been here over two hours and it's only up to frame 75. It's going really slowly. I'm only going to stay here for another two hours. I'm so fried from the past two days worth of classes.
Oh yes...I guess I should get caught up. I had a "major depressive episode" (aka nervous breakdown) at the beginning of August. Since then, I've been suffering a series of minor to moderate depressive episodes and lots of panic and anxiety attacks. Fun. It seems I'm just following the typical cycle of depression. According to my therapist, a person with chronic depression (me) goes through cycles where they have major depressive episodes every x-length of time. With me, it seems to be ever four years. I had one in 1997, when I first got sick, then in 2001, and now in 2005.
This time around doesn't seem to be as bad as the first two, but it's still not fun. I've been fighting this deep spiral my mind wants to go into. It's like my emotions just want me to curl into the fetal position in bed and just stay there with the covers over my head. Even leaving the apartment has been a chore. I literally have to fight back fear and panic to go to school two days a week.
The one thing my therapist did insist was that I still go to school this semester. I thought about taking the semester off but she said that was the worst thing for me. I did cut down my schedule to take only two classes (Life Drawing and Computer 3D Animation II) with professors who knew me. That takes some of the strain off of me since they know how hard I normally work so I don't have to "prove" myself to them. If I have an off day, I know that won't affect my grades. I'm also taking subjects I enjoy so that helps as well.
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