Horrible Realization
I love teaching. I really do. To be able to impart my knowledge on the youth of America...well, you know that spiel.
There is one thing I hate though. I'll be going through my lecture, having a good time and feeling great, when all of a sudden I realize that "hey, I'm standing here in front of a class with 35 pairs of eyes focusing on me." The blood drains from my face, I start to sweat, and the panic sets in. Oh god. Now what do I do? This happened to me today during my Western Civilization class. I had a nice lecture going on the Minoans when BOOM! Realization sets in. If my students had been paying attention, which I hope they were, they literally would've seen me turn white.
It's a hard experience to explain to someone who hasn't been there. Yes, we all get nervous speaking in front of crowds but it's different when you do it every day. It's like I've been transported back in time to 5th grade when I had to give a presentation and I was so nervous I couldn't speak. You know what that felt like. We've all gone through it. It's not a good feeling when you're the teacher.
Thankfully, I've had enough teaching experience to know what to do. I turned to the blackboard so my students wouldn't see my pale face, took a deep breath, and literally imagined an old history professor of mine in his underwear. The guy had been old and paunchy and I imagined him in smilely faced boxer shorts and wearing those old-fashioned suspenders that kept up his socks (yes, he wore the latter. You could see them every time he crossed his legs). It is a rather silly thought, but it does work. It gives me a little giggle that cuts through the panic attack and gets me back on track.
So why am I sharing this little silly piece of supposedly worthless information? To me it's kind of like a little bit of wisdom: even the people who seem cool and have their act together (as my students sometimes claim I do) sometimes do have their moments of panic. On the outside we all may look like we know what we're doing but every once in a while life does throw us a dose of reality. It's at those times that we need to remember to smile, think of something funny. The panic will subside and things will go back to the smooth course. It's just a matter of getting over the speed bump. Try it. It works. :)
There is one thing I hate though. I'll be going through my lecture, having a good time and feeling great, when all of a sudden I realize that "hey, I'm standing here in front of a class with 35 pairs of eyes focusing on me." The blood drains from my face, I start to sweat, and the panic sets in. Oh god. Now what do I do? This happened to me today during my Western Civilization class. I had a nice lecture going on the Minoans when BOOM! Realization sets in. If my students had been paying attention, which I hope they were, they literally would've seen me turn white.
It's a hard experience to explain to someone who hasn't been there. Yes, we all get nervous speaking in front of crowds but it's different when you do it every day. It's like I've been transported back in time to 5th grade when I had to give a presentation and I was so nervous I couldn't speak. You know what that felt like. We've all gone through it. It's not a good feeling when you're the teacher.
Thankfully, I've had enough teaching experience to know what to do. I turned to the blackboard so my students wouldn't see my pale face, took a deep breath, and literally imagined an old history professor of mine in his underwear. The guy had been old and paunchy and I imagined him in smilely faced boxer shorts and wearing those old-fashioned suspenders that kept up his socks (yes, he wore the latter. You could see them every time he crossed his legs). It is a rather silly thought, but it does work. It gives me a little giggle that cuts through the panic attack and gets me back on track.
So why am I sharing this little silly piece of supposedly worthless information? To me it's kind of like a little bit of wisdom: even the people who seem cool and have their act together (as my students sometimes claim I do) sometimes do have their moments of panic. On the outside we all may look like we know what we're doing but every once in a while life does throw us a dose of reality. It's at those times that we need to remember to smile, think of something funny. The panic will subside and things will go back to the smooth course. It's just a matter of getting over the speed bump. Try it. It works. :)
Comments
This is the kind of stuff that keeps me awake at night. And my insomnia isn't as bad as it used to be. And on nights like those, when I do get to sleep, I have these nightmares featuring --- no ,no not smiling faces, not that at all, no, it would be your history professor, except he wouldn't be wearing those boxer shorts, only those socks with the suspenders and the suspenders would go all the way up to his shoulders and the socks would only be covering his toes, and only barely at that, and Dr. Asshole would be there scraping the bottoms of the prof's feet, and it would just go on and on and on and on . . . the horror, the horror . . . .
Whoah! I just had the strangest dream, and then I woke up with my face kinda all squashy on my desktop and my keyboard jabbing me in the sternum. Gotta stop with the late night coffee.