Saying Goodbye to a Student
I wish this post was about the normal goodbyes we all endure at the end of the semester. However, this is goodbye is different.
Last week, a student of mine passed away after suffering horrendous injuries in a car accident. I found out when I logged into my school email and saw the flood of e-mails asking for prayers from my colleagues. The car accident had left him in serious condition as he had a broken neck, severed spinal cord, and severe brain trauma among other things. The medics had almost lost him once on the way to the hospital but while they were able to revive him that time, the injuries were just too severe.
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I had just seen him just a week prior and he was happy, healthy, and so alive.
He was such a good kid too. I remember the first day of class when I couldn't get the projector and my computer to work together and he got up to help me. He was so polite about it and when I thanked him, he gave me an "aw shucks" kind of look, like it was no big deal. Every time he came into class he had a smile on his face and was friendly to his classmates. He brought an amount of good cheer into the room whether or not he realized it.
What really got me was that he had so much promise. I see so many different kinds of students teaching at the community college level. Rarely, though, do I get a diamond in the rough. He was not a perfect student, do not get me wrong, but I saw something in him. His writing was well above his classmates and I could see that with the right training and mentoring, he would be a star in his academic career. I enjoyed working with him as my student as he took constructive criticism well and tried his best to excel. In today's academic environment in this age of entitlement, this is a rare thing. While I enjoy the company of most of my students, he was the one I looked forward to talking to in the class and the one whose papers I looked forward to reading. He was one of the students that makes my job not only easier but worthwhile.
Today I walked into his classroom and saw the empty chair where he normally sat. I fought back the tears and broke the news to his classmates. It seems that I was not the only one trying to maintain a semblance of normality as I saw many wet faces today. I encouraged students to grieve in whatever way brings them comfort and told them to remember his smile and friendly demeanor. If anybody needed to leave or step out for a bit, I told them I would understand. While they all stayed and I worked hard to lighten the mood, I knew I was just going through the motions to maintain that normalcy. It was not easy and even now, I am shedding a few tears for him.
There will be a memorial service soon but unfortunately I cannot go. While I wish I could, I know myself too well. Between my fear of crowds and my own fragile state, it would not be healthy to go. However, I am putting together a "care package" of sorts to send to his family. I am encouraging his classmates to write something about how James impacted their lives in a good way, no matter how small. Even if it was the fact that he was always smiling or that he went out of his way to make you comfortable, I told them to write it down. I will also include a letter from me, similar to the post I am writing now. While I cannot be there in person to tell the family what a good person he was, I want them to know in some tangible way. They may not appreciate it now as they are inundated with their own grief, but I hope that they can look back on these notes and letters to see what a positive impact their son had on his peers and teachers. It is not much, but it is the only thing I can think of right now.
While it is sad that such a young life was lost too soon, I always believe the Fates have a reason. I found out that my student was an organ donor and that while his loss is a tragic one, his generosity in death went on to save the lives of at least four others, if not more. I do not try to understand the Fates but maybe one, if not more, of those four people is meant to do something great and he was just a small part of it.
Last week, a student of mine passed away after suffering horrendous injuries in a car accident. I found out when I logged into my school email and saw the flood of e-mails asking for prayers from my colleagues. The car accident had left him in serious condition as he had a broken neck, severed spinal cord, and severe brain trauma among other things. The medics had almost lost him once on the way to the hospital but while they were able to revive him that time, the injuries were just too severe.
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I had just seen him just a week prior and he was happy, healthy, and so alive.
He was such a good kid too. I remember the first day of class when I couldn't get the projector and my computer to work together and he got up to help me. He was so polite about it and when I thanked him, he gave me an "aw shucks" kind of look, like it was no big deal. Every time he came into class he had a smile on his face and was friendly to his classmates. He brought an amount of good cheer into the room whether or not he realized it.
What really got me was that he had so much promise. I see so many different kinds of students teaching at the community college level. Rarely, though, do I get a diamond in the rough. He was not a perfect student, do not get me wrong, but I saw something in him. His writing was well above his classmates and I could see that with the right training and mentoring, he would be a star in his academic career. I enjoyed working with him as my student as he took constructive criticism well and tried his best to excel. In today's academic environment in this age of entitlement, this is a rare thing. While I enjoy the company of most of my students, he was the one I looked forward to talking to in the class and the one whose papers I looked forward to reading. He was one of the students that makes my job not only easier but worthwhile.
Today I walked into his classroom and saw the empty chair where he normally sat. I fought back the tears and broke the news to his classmates. It seems that I was not the only one trying to maintain a semblance of normality as I saw many wet faces today. I encouraged students to grieve in whatever way brings them comfort and told them to remember his smile and friendly demeanor. If anybody needed to leave or step out for a bit, I told them I would understand. While they all stayed and I worked hard to lighten the mood, I knew I was just going through the motions to maintain that normalcy. It was not easy and even now, I am shedding a few tears for him.
There will be a memorial service soon but unfortunately I cannot go. While I wish I could, I know myself too well. Between my fear of crowds and my own fragile state, it would not be healthy to go. However, I am putting together a "care package" of sorts to send to his family. I am encouraging his classmates to write something about how James impacted their lives in a good way, no matter how small. Even if it was the fact that he was always smiling or that he went out of his way to make you comfortable, I told them to write it down. I will also include a letter from me, similar to the post I am writing now. While I cannot be there in person to tell the family what a good person he was, I want them to know in some tangible way. They may not appreciate it now as they are inundated with their own grief, but I hope that they can look back on these notes and letters to see what a positive impact their son had on his peers and teachers. It is not much, but it is the only thing I can think of right now.
While it is sad that such a young life was lost too soon, I always believe the Fates have a reason. I found out that my student was an organ donor and that while his loss is a tragic one, his generosity in death went on to save the lives of at least four others, if not more. I do not try to understand the Fates but maybe one, if not more, of those four people is meant to do something great and he was just a small part of it.
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